Monday 27 July 2009

An open letter of apology to the state of Kansas






In the last blog we wrote somewhat disparagingly about Kansas. Since then we have come to realise that what we said was entirely unfair and inaccurate so it is time now for us to correct the error of our ways and utter those two hardest of phrases: "we were wrong" and "we are sorry". Indeed we have rather come full circle (not physically as that would be extremely frustrating) and, now that we have crossed the border into Missouri and are able to reflect fully on the Kansas experience, we feel almost compelled to grant Kansas the illustrious title of our favourite state so far, a title that Oregon has held hands down since we left it all those weeks ago.

So what did we like about Kansas?

1. We have to bust a myth for you. Kansas is NOT all flat as a pancake for as far as the eye can see, treeless and boring. Sure, as we reported last time, the western most part near the Colorado border is, but just as you shouldn't judge a book by its cover, you shouldn't judge a state by its first couple of hundred miles. The central and eastern parts of the state really are extremely pretty, composed of lush greeness and fertile rolling hills. Unlike much of Wyoming which seriously is desolate, the entirety of Kansas is actively farmed and there is a whole host of different crops and it truly is the breadbasket of America. With this comes much prosperity and the houses are quaint and well maintained. The state was especially delightful to cycle through in the early morning, when the wind was down, the roads were quiet, and the rising sun cast a beautiful light over the plains. (On the subject of farming, however, Dan must remember not to tell farmers that his dad is a fellow farmer as he gets sucked into conversations in which he is well out of his depth. This future corporate lawyer knows an embarrassingly small amount about his father's business and can barely tell one end of a cow from the other).

2. The people were outstandingly friendly. As a fellow cyclist stated, "they'd give you the shirt off their back if you asked for it". At no point did we want an extra shirt as we were quite hot enough with just our own, but the sentiment rings true. We estimate that about one in three passing drivers would give us a wave, which if you think about it is a very high proportion. One group in a pickup truck even offered Dan, although unfortuantely not Rob as well, an ice cold beer. Given that we were near the end of the day this was gratefully accepted and downed in one go. The locals are very keen to put on a positive front and every lawn, most of which are substantial in size, is immaculately mowed and watered. Although its slightly crude, there can't be many better indicators of civic pride. Chief among the phenomenally friendly people are the Kliewer family from Newton. Just as we were about to set up our tents in the city park in town there, Jonathan, the eldest of the Kliewer's 8 children, approached us and said that his family would love to have us camp in their yard, use their shower and join them for dinner. We are so glad we accepted this incredibly kind offer as it was a real privilege to share the dinner table, eating delicious food, with such an interesting and generous group of people. We cannot thank them enough as such kindness is a rarity.

3. Every town has a "city park" where cyclists are allowed to camp. These parks are astonishly well equipped with gazebos, barbecues, power outlets, lush soft grass, and normally swimming pools. The best thing about it, appreciated greatly by the tight Scotsman and Essex wide boy is that it is completely free. Cash back! You just have to hope that your tent isn't in range of the sprinklers when they get turned on in the morning!

4. The road quality was fantastic. When you're in a car you hardly notice what you're driving on, but on a bike you become so acutely aware of the slightest imperfections. Nothing is more irritating than cracks that run perpendicular to the direction of travel, and these are all too common in Wyoming (not our favourite state in case you couldn't tell already!) and parts of Colorado. But the Kansas roads are awesome and helped hugely in our ability to cover some good mileage.

5. We saw a lot of cool wildlife. In the early mornings we spotted lots of birds flitting about and deer prancing around, out enjoying themselves before the trucks appeared on the road. Rob also rescued a turtle that was on the road. It was a big heavy thing, moving extremely slowly. We took a guess at which way the turtle was trying to go and placed it in the grass on the far side from where it was when we came across it. Hopefully, for the turtle's sake, the guess was right, otherwise it will have been severely pissed off animal having a lot of its time and effort wasted! Unfortunately much of the wildlife has been dead rather than alive, in the form of roadkill. If we wanted to (and don't worry, we didn't want to even in the slightest) we could have had quite the meat selection on a barbecue. Possums and skunk were most frequent, closely followed by armadillo, with the occasional deer too. Yummy!

6. We were actually going east while we were cycling! It may come us some surprise and you may think us quite silly for it, but our route from the west coast to the east coast is not actually that direct, and especially not in the early western parts. Indeed between Missoula in Montana and Pueblo in Colorado we went much further south than we did east. So it was nice to actually feel like we were making some progress for a change as we gunned it due east, in the direction of the rising sun, across Kansas. Thankfully that is set to continue here in Missouri.

7. It was in Kansas, thanks to a tip off from another cyclist going the other way, that we discovered Honey Buns, a sickly but strangely delicious pastry type product that is insanely rich in sugar and all things bad for you, but that can give power to your legs that just can't be found from many other sources. Just one of these bad boys contains a crazy 56% of your daily fat allowance, but that of course is if you are a normal person on the standard 2000 calorie diet. We of course are monsters who require 6000, but every little helps!

8. The gas stations offered cups for the soft drinks fountain machines in sizes that can only be described as gargantuan. The largest we found came across was a 64 ounce whopper that really took two hands to hold. A Pepsi stop every couple of hours is essential and heavenly in the heat and we estimate that on one particular day Rob put away in excess of 150 ounces. That's about 6 litres. Dan wasn't far behind.

9. British mobile phones gained consistently strong reception in the eastern part of the state, something they hadn't been able to get since Oregon. This is a very good thing. Fact.

10. Kansas borders Oklahoma, which is where Rob's girlfriend Sarah is from. At one point we were within 170 miles of where she lives so her dad, Tom Pratt, drove up to see us. (Aren't cars great things; they can cover big distances very quickly!) It was great to see him and he treated us to a delicious meal and a luxurious stay in a motel. Big thanks to him. We had Dan's mum send us off at the beginning in Oregon (a belated huge thank you to her for helping us start things off so smoothly), Tom in the middle, and we look forward to a reception party of at least Sarah at the end in Virginia.

So as you can see there are quite a lot of positives to Kansas and we can't be blamed for going against the grain and actually liking the place. (We think that many people say they dislike it because they simply so strongly expect to dislike it due to the stories that fellow cyclists tell them and are carried away by the prejudice). But any good reporter must also acknowledge the negatives and there have indeed been a few of them.

1. As Brits we are obliged to talk about the weather, and it is human nature to complain and think that the grass is greener on the other side. When we were up in the mountains we moaned about the cold, but now we are craving a bit of cool and are grateful for the slightest hint of a breeze. We have cycled in temperatures of up to 105 Fahrenheit, but it is mainly the humidity that kills you (not literally, yet). It's like cycling in a sauna, and saunas are designed to sit down and relax in, not pedal like a maniac. We are taking sweaty to new levels. At night we apply our GCSE biology knowledge and sprawl out in our tents, practically naked, in order to maximise the surface area of our body that is exposed in a vain attempt to cool down. One night Dan was actually driven out of his tent and forced to sleep under the stars. He did, he would like to point out, put on a pair of boxer shorts before vacating the tent. Indeed, it is the heat and the humidity that is to blame for the unnecessary length of this blog (we wouldn't have blamed you if you'd stopped reading ages ago) as we really don't want to leave the lovely air conditioned library.

2. We have been chased by several dogs foaming at the mouth. The dogs in Kentucky are famous among Trans American bike riders but a few presented themselves three states early in Kansas. Perhaps We our lovley toned calves are particulalrly juicy and irresistible. These dogs will spot you a mile off and come charging down the side road from their farm and attempt to intercept you, barking like mad all the way. It is actually mildly scary. Rob is armed with pepper spray (though hasn't had to actually use it yet). Dan is armed with bravado and complacency.

3. Rob scared the s**t out of both of us by thinking he had lost his wallet. On this trip you have to be super organised and everything has its specific place in your bags. When the wallet wasn't where it was meant to be the look of sheer despair, anger and horror all rolled into one was tangible. It was in the other bag.

4. Dan thought he had broken his I-Pod and had a bit of a temper tantrum. Not even the age-old "turn it off then back on" trick worked as it actually wouldn't turn off. The screen was frozen and no sound came out. Fortunately it ran out of battery eventually, rebooted, and was as good as new.

5. "The Bag Balm Disaster", involving Dan, a toilet cubicle, the hot and runny (thanks to the heat) balm that is designed for cows udders but also keeps his "undercarriage" in tip top condition, and an exposion when said tub of balm was opened, has scarred Dan for life.

6. Thanks to leaning on our handle bars all day, every day, our hands are getting rather numb and we are losing our dexterity. Rob long ago lost all sensation and movement in both his fourth fingers, and Dan excelled himself by knocking over one of the aforementioned gigantic soft drink cups when attempting to put a lid on top of it for the first time since he was about 6 years old.

In our first afternoon today in Missouri the highlight was definitely a bit of off roading, where we walked our bikes through some major road works where a fly-over is being installed. We didn't fancy the 8 mile diversion so we asked the foreman what we could do. To our surprise, he said he didn't mind if we walked across, but advised us to watch out for the machines. These machines turned out to be multi-tonne monsters that would have crushed us like insects. We chuckled at the differences in health and safety standards as we weaved our way through the massive ruts...

So we've been on the road now for over a month and we have to say that we are just so pleased with how everything has gone. We are ahead of schedule (as indicated by our "mile bank", an ingenious system based on complex algorithms that tells us where we are in relation to where we would need to be in order to finish on our target date of 20th August) but more importantly we are having a magnificent time. And we are now actually allowing ourselves, as we approach the two thirds distance, to think forward to finishing. We have come to realise that some of our behaviour on this isolated trip may not be acceptable in normal society. We'll leave it to your imaginations to decide what those bodily behaviours may be (think along the lines of the effects of a 6000 calorie diet largely in the form of burgers, and us childishly exaggerating those effects), but we'd like to send out an early plea to those that we'll be seeing soon after completion for patience, tolerance and leniance, otherwise offence may be caused, and we promise to attempt to re-integrate as quickly as possible.

In time honoured fashion, we'd like to finish by extending another huge thank you to our supporters and sponsors, who we are missing greatly and can't wait to see soon. Our donation page at http://www.justgiving.com/robertdstevenson1/ continues to thrive, but we're not quite up to our target, so please, if you can, do donate and support Cyclists Fighting Cancer, a brilliant charity that really does make a huge difference to the lives of those it works with.

Oh, and of course the distances:

23/7: 98 miles, Larned
24/7: 106 miles, Newton
25/7: 77 miles, Eureka
26/7: 76 miles, Erie
27/7: 79 miles, Golden City

So that's 2594 miles in 32 days. Bish, bash, bosh, thank you very much.

Later gators.

PS We've finally managed to upload a couple of video clips to youtube. We'll work on getting more up in due course but for now please feel free to check out the links below. The first is from the wonderful Kliewer family household and the second features the heroic and touching turtle rescue.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oLNjGF-oTsU

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n_vjkRfO88s

1 comment:

  1. that's my fam! (the Kliewers) aren't they the coolest??

    ReplyDelete